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Wanted: A Telco That Doesn't Suck

Posted: Mon, 14 May 2007 | permalink | No comments

I am currently with Optus, and while they were acceptable a few years ago, they have descended in the last couple of years so that they're chair-throwingly obnoxious now. So, as I really, really dislike giving retarded monkeys my money (I'd get rid of govco if I could, really), I'm looking to move.

Specifically, I want a telephone communications provider:

• Whose phone monkeys are clueful enough to be able to execute the things I've requested be done, and can actually do what they tell me they're going to do (detailed story there is available on request);
• Who doesn't summarily raise line rental by 40%, and insult my intelligence by telling me that it's better because I get a pile of "included minutes" that I'll never use;
• That doesn't use one of those horrendous, useless voice recognition systems (they're slower and more error prone than just pressing the damn numbers) -- I'd love a real person on the line when I call, but I'm realistic enough to accept that that's just not going to happen;
• Who, if they do decide to outsource their phone support, at least sends it to a call centre who has people who don't have an overpoweringly strong accent;
• That just lists their charges (all of their charges) simply and easily, so I can say "that's what it's going to cost me to use these guys", instead of the endless twisty passages of bundling, "special deals" (which expire a couple of months after you sign up to them), and other customer-confusing effluvia;
• Who employ someone to proofread their website (I'm looking at you, Southern Cross, with your grocers' apostrophe).

Do I really have a hope in hell here? At this point, I'll pay a bit more for phone service if it doesn't involve getting screwed over at the telco's whim, and dealing with incomprehensible Indian call centres.

Answers on a postcard, or (if you're feeling really technical) in an e-mail to mpalmer@hezmatt.org. We're talking about Australia here, in case anyone's wondering -- moving to another country for phone service is probably a bit too drastic. Switching to pure VoIP would be an option if I didn't need to have a fixed-line service for my ADSL.